FURTHER TO THE PUBLIC SMOKING BAN – no, I haven’t been arrested yet, but I’ve had much fun with the ‘jobsworths’ who approach me as I stroll through shopping malls with my unlit pipe clamped between my teeth. They are so confused when I ask them what offence I have committed?
On a more serious point, I’m concerned that the huge loss of taxes as a result of this legislation, will mean all taxpayers having to make up the deficit. Remember how following last summer’s hosepipe ban we were then presented with hugely increased bills to restore the profits of the Water Companies?
Judging Gordon
IT’S TOO EARLY YET to judge Gordon Brown as Prime Minister, although his debut at the Despatch Box certainly lacked the charisma of his predecessor, who was a showman without substance. However, I am delighted he has instructed that all public buildings are to fly the national flag, as is done throughout the rest of the world. For too long now our reluctance to do so has shown a weakness for fear of offending those whose origins are not British.
Now we have restored the Union Flag, we must also revive those national values that once made this country Great and one to be proud of. The new Prime Minister has a lot to put right and a daunting task ahead, but if he can bring back honest politics into Number Ten, then he will have the overwhelming support of the people.
On the Union Flag, I wonder how long before the Cross of St. Andrew is flown independently over Edinburgh Castle? And how long before we Sassenachs have to apply for a Visa to cross the border into their lovely country?
Interesting times ahead!
NO, I DIDN’T TURN OUT to watch the cycle-pass by competitors in the Tour de France. Men in lycra, wearing silly hats, puffing and wheezing their way up Frazer Hill, towards the Arc de Triumph for a coveted yellow jersey, do absolutely nothing for me. I did once however stay in the next chalet to the legendary Eddy Merckx during the French Midi stage, but even this close encounter wasn’t enough to compare with the excitement of the Boules match in the village square.
THE DEVASTATED PEOPLE OF HULL, whose homes had been flooded, gave a less than grateful response to Gordon Brown’s promise of £14 million in aid. Perhaps they were comparing this with the massive £8 billion he gave to Africa during his much publicised trip last year? Hull of course hardly stands out on the world map and is not a natural habitat for politicians seeking to enhance their image on the world stage.
And how ironic, that the Member for Hull is none other than one J. Prescott, who actually proposed thousands of new homes to be built on the flood plains in the South East! You may be forgiven for asking whose side these people are really on?
Where’s the cash?
GORDON BROWN raised £101,700 in donations to his leadership campaign. As there were no other contenders, there was obviously no campaign, so we are bound to ask what happened to all this cash? It would pay for quite a few new carpets for the flooded residents of Hull.
Sue is lovely
WIMBLEDON FORTNIGHT has come and gone. There are three things that are always predictable; Henman will be knocked out in the early rounds, the strawberries will be overpriced and rain will interrupt play. And this year did not disappoint. It had all these ingredients and more.
This is one sporting tournament I look forward to above all others, now that Sky TV has deprived me of the Test Matches. Tennis employs all the skill, excitement and shock results that keeps us on the edge of our seats right up to ‘Game, Set and Match’. It has the glamour of young East European females with bodies to die for, the terrifying spectacle of dark Amazonian women hurling balls towards their opponents at 130 mph, accompanied by shrieks like Whirling Dervishes, arguments with the hapless umpires over a suspect call from a line judge and the race to pull on the covers by teams of fit young men, reminiscent of the ‘Gun Run’ at the Royal Tournament. And the equally urgent race to complete a Set before the ominous rain clouds release their contents over SW19. Then there’s the monotonous drone of Virginia Wade, guaranteed to send viewers to sleep.
Sue Barker deserves a medal for the many times she has been called upon to hold it all together during the numerous rain breaks and her verbal exchanges with John McEnroe are every bit as entertaining as when they themselves both played on Centre Court. It won’t be half as much fun when the retractable roof is fitted next year.
Cameron applauds Blair!
THE MOST DISGRACEFUL SPECTACLE ever to have taken place in the chamber of the House of Commons has to be that of David Cameron leading his troops in a standing ovation for the departing Tony Blair. Apart from the convention that forbids Members applauding, it was an action of the utmost hypocrisy by the Leader of the Opposition and must have had true Tory supporters cringeing. Can you imagine how the parents and relatives of the young soldiers killed in Iraq must have felt at this overt display of support for the person who got it so wrong?
The electorate has long memories and will not easily forgive the Tories for their disgraceful behaviour on this occasion and sadly, this can only signal a further period of government by those who treated Prime Minister Blair like a God. I’m afraid that if Cameron is not removed from office soon, being a Conservative will be as meaningful as becoming a member of a lap dancing club.
Spice Girls
I SEE THAT the shrill, excitably loud Spice Girls are planning a come-back, by public demand. What public demand, I ask? I certainly didn’t call for their return and I don’t know anyone who did. It must have been their Mothers’.
Elton Who?
DO YOU FIND IT sickening when showbiz celebrities demand “Do You Know Who I Am?” in an attempt to pull rank. Sir Elton John, a well-known proponent of this tactic, employed it once too often at the Concert for Diana, where security was at a very high level. His berating of a police officer and generous use of the ‘F’ word carried no weight on this occasion, as he was forced to leave the comfort of his limousine and walk the few muddy steps to his dressing room.
I would dearly love him to confront me with the same question, giving me the opportunity of telling him exactly who I thought he was. Reg Dwight!
Cultural Mix
CONSIDERING THE GROWING ETHNIC MIX in our schools, racial integration and tolerance is a desirable thing if we are to achieve a well-ordered society in the future. But this just cannot be done by force, which is what the Government proposes in its ill-advised new legislation that comes into effect this September. Schools will then have a legal duty to promote community relations by sending pupils of predominantly white establishments to mix with children of other races and religions. Staff will be required to arrange visits to multi-ethnic schools and to stage joint events with them. This as I understand it already takes place in many areas, without the ‘big stick’ being wielded by yet another Government failed policy. Any head teacher not complying will see their jobs put in jeopardy and the school failing its Ofsted inspection.
Education ministers are concerned that some surburban teenagers have never met a Muslim or a Hindu. So what? They’ve probably not met Terry Wogan, or John Prescott, but I don’t think this will make them any less of a good citizen when they eventually take their place in society. Come to think of it, I don’t think I have met a Hindu either, but have managed my life fairly well considering this omission.
Relationships have to naturally evolve, whether they are personal, racial, or professional and must by their very nature be based on a voluntary understanding. One of the Ten Commandments is “Love Thy Neighbour” but no-where does it suggest that force should be used. In fact, where State interference is involved, it usually has the opposite effect. I was always of the opinion that the Race Relations Board created more problems than it solved, by seeking out trouble where none actually existed. The school playground is no place for the shadow of heavy-handed bureaucracy – kids are more intelligent than we sometimes give them credit for and will manage quite well to choose their friendships as they have always done in the past. They don’t see skin colour as a barrier when making up the numbers for a game of football – this kind of stupidity is better left to adults, especially those in Government.
Dr Bug
WE NOW HAVE A CHOICE IN THE NHS. Being killed in hospital by a serious infection, or operated on by a Middle Eastern surgeon on a mission to blow us all to pieces.
HAVE YOU NOTICED the increasing trend at outside sporting events, when television interviewers are talking to competitors on camera? There is inevitably some idiot in the background talking on a mobile telephone whilst giving stupid hand signals that he hopes will be seen by his mates back home? I’m ashamed to say this behaviour is not confined to those whose brains have not fully-developed, but now the middle-aged are getting in on the act.
Perhaps I wouldn’t feel so incensed if the mobile telephone was not part of the act; readers’ will know what I think about these ‘must have’ accessories.
Food to hasten my demise!
SADLY, FOOD HAS LITTLE ATTRACTION FOR ME. Mealtimes are no more than a marker to signal various intervals during the day. With one notable exception: CHEESE. I do love a good chunk of mature Cheddar at any time of day and all the better if accompanied by a Spanish onion and a French baguette with rich butter. Yet for the past 25 years I have been forced to hide this addiction from my cardiologist and GP, because dairy products are high on the list of forbidden foods that will hasten my death.
Imagine my joy then, when the medical profession recently admitted they had got it wrong all these years and in fact dairy products are essential to the body’s well-being in avoiding what they call metabolic syndrome. This is a condition responsible for increased cholesterol, body fat and blood pressure, which can double the risk of diabetes and coronary artery disease. What a relief to learn that I have been doing the right thing all along. Yet I have nothing but sympathy for all those patients who have religiously followed their doctor’s orders.
Fags could be OK!
Do you suppose that in years to come, new research will discover that smoking tobacco has had little adverse affect on the human condition and hey-ho, this has been yet another scare story like the Millennium Bug and the Weapons of Mass Destruction? And who knows, it may even turn out to be safe again to ‘go to work on an egg’!
I’m 95...
I’VE DISCOVERED an effective way of getting rid of unwanted telephone sales calls and am willing to let you in on my secret. Having allowed the caller to ramble on with his sales pitch, I await a pause to inform him that I’m 95 years of age. It’s surprising how rapidly he brings the call to a conclusion. It works every time and brings a strange satisfaction, knowing that I have won and that I am not yet 95.
Amusing
AS A WELCOME ALTERNATIVE to calls for a referendum on the latest EEC Constitution, may I suggest a national vote on an alternative to the word “Amazing”.
This is now the most overused word in the English language and suggests a woeful ignorance of its true meaning. If you are looking for a game to keep the kids amused, just count the number of times showbiz personalities and minor celebrities are ‘amazed’.