THE WORLD’S BEST KEPT SECRET is now out in the open.  Thanks to an Australian website, Prince Harry’s adventure in Afghanistan has come to an abrupt end.  Even seasoned commentators and royal watchers had been taken in by the compliant news blackout in the British media.

He was genuinely upset when his troop was deployed to Afghanistan without him, resulting in a national debate of should he or shouldn’t he go?  My own stance was quite clear, that he most definitely should NOT be allowed to take part in this unpopular war – for two reasons.  His presence in that unstable country would make him a natural target for the Taliban war lords, which would inevitably threaten the safety of those around him.  Then, the strong possibility that on his return to the UK, he would become a prime target for Al Qaeda and other fanatics seeking revenge for his part in fighting against a ‘jihad’.

If the initial decision taken by army chief of staff General Dannatt had been followed, then all this fuss would have been avoided.  Obviously, Prince Harry must have had a right royal tantrum and made life generally unpleasant for the army command, until they gave in to his selfish demands.  His insistence on being treated like a normal soldier was fanciful and ignored the possible consequences on others for his selfish actions.  His strict training should have taught him that you do not question an order given by a superior officer, however disagreeable that might be.  He has certainly inherited his mother’s stubborn genes.  The resulting stage-managed subterfuge did not present the real picture to the people.  Had the camera pulled back for a wide shot, they would have seen a posse of minders from the S.A.S. and his personal protection squad, as well as the experienced NCO delegated to clear the machine gun when it jammed – as they are prone to do.  Such was the privilege afforded to this ‘brave’ young officer, that is not available to the ordinary soldier facing the muck and bullets on the front line.

I was longing for a sergeant-major to order him to get rid of the ridiculous baseball cap bearing the Stars & Stripes and to ‘get your hair cut, you ‘orrible little man’.  The army has certainly changed since my days when an officer was meant to set an example to his men.

Most young military personnel who have completed their tough training programme are anxious to put this experience into practice, even to the extent of ignoring the personal danger that faces them and cannot wait to be posted to a war zone.  Some civilian observers may interpret this as bravery and dedication to duty, whilst others will see it as fearless and foolhardy.  A prime example was the Battle of Britain, when in 1940, young pilots barely out of school fearlessly sacrificed their lives, with little or no thought for their own well-being.  In my own personal experience, I recall the utter disappointment at being pulled out of the Suez campaign at the eleventh hour, after months of training.  Morale throughout the battalion slumped to rock-bottom and it took many weeks to restore the fighting spirit again.

I suppose we should give Prince Harry a little credit for his own spirited example, compared with the louche lifestyle of many of the sons of our politicians and minor royals, who are happy to take taxpayers money, but give nothing in return.  I think you know who I mean?  At least the Prince will have earned his poppy in November and will be more aware than most of its true significance, as he stands in respect at the Cenotaph.

BUGS ARE BUGGED.  Another story worthy of April 1st comes from the respected publication ‘New Scientist’.  Insects are now being implanted with electrodes, allowing them to send information back to their handlers.  A famous propaganda poster during the Second World War warned “Wall’s Have Ears”.  This could now be updated to the present day as “Fly’s Have Ears”.   So think twice this summer before you zap that insect alighting on your window sill, or you may receive a visit from the SWAT team.

WHEN POLITICIANS are not busy dipping their greedy snouts into the money trough, they occasionally point them towards other targets to make themselves equally unpopular.  The latest is that quintessential institution of Britishness - The Proms.

I have always thought of Culture Minister Margaret Hodge as a particularly nasty piece of work and no more so now she has set her sights on our beloved annual music festival that has entertained the people since 1895.  She is concerned that those from different cultural backgrounds do not feel at ease with this celebration of the world’s finest music.  This of course is utter nonsense and her views must be quickly dismissed before she is able to inflict her left-wing venom any further.

Perhaps she would like to see The Proms merged with the Notting Hill Carnival!  The Proms has done more to bring people together than any other institution in the world and promotes harmony between all cultures, religions and political beliefs, unlike many politicians who only promote conflict and wars.  Is it any wonder the MP for Barking (and she certainly is!) has driven her constituents into the arms of the BNP, where they hold the largest number of local authority seats in the country.  She is their greatest recruiting officer.

So let her heed this warning from a music lover.   Keep out of this if you value your parliamentary seat and do not dare attempt to hijack the British people’s last night optimism for a Land of Hope and Glory.

THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY saw yet another THREE sadistic murderers sent to prison for their dastardly deeds against women.  And we all know this is not going to deter others with twisted minds from repeating such crimes in the future.

Murder – the deliberate taking of someone’s life - is now so commonplace, that we anticipate it will make the daily headlines in the papers and on TV news bulletins.  In truth, we have become so immune to such everyday occurrences, we soon dismiss them from our minds as we get on with our daily lives. Yet it should not be like this.  All decent people should be outraged that successive weak governments have not done enough to protect the people, especially women, children and police officers.  It would be foolish and unrealistic to believe that society can be fully protected from the downright evil actions of a few deviants who will stop at nothing to satisfy their blood lust.  But this should not prevent our politicians from doing more to deter the borderline opportunists who know that at worst, they will keep their own lives whilst their victims die.

The debate for restoring capital punishment is as strong as ever and regular readers of my column will know that I vowed some years ago not to vote in a general election until politicians make a determined effort to bring back the death penalty for deliberate murder.  Hanging is considered barbaric by some, but then so is murder.  So I am certainly not squeamish about it, like many of our well-informed intelligentsia who argue against it.  However, I am willing to concede this particular point for the alternative of lethal injection.

The old argument against capital punishment has been based mainly on the remote possibility of a mistaken conviction and dodgy evidence, resulting in a miscarriage of justice.  This is now however a weak submission, with the virtually foolproof advance in forensic science and DNA data available to modern detection and policing.  In the past, cases have hinged upon experienced counsel presenting skilful legal representation to persuade juries to convict, or otherwise.

In every poll taken by newspapers and TV stations in recent times, the overwhelming majority have been in favour of the restoration of the death penalty.  This is the democratic voice of the people speaking, yet still the politicians refuse to listen.  And still ‘life sentences’ continue to be a farce, with murderers being released early to kill again.  I pose you this one simple question:  If it was your child, or another person dear to you that had been murdered, how would you feel about the death penalty then?   If you feel the same way as me and the majority of the British people, then inform  your MP that if he is not prepared to support your views on this, then he cannot expect your support at the next election.

I CAN BE AS GUILTY as anyone of making sweeping generalisations, particularly when referring to the yob culture that prevails today.  Yet having been privileged to attend Bexley’s Young Musician of the Year Awards, I felt a little ashamed of my tendency to tar all youngsters with the same brush.

It was a truly humbling experience to witness the sheer hard work and dedication these local schoolchildren put into their performances and gave me fresh hope for the future. Of course, they were but a small section of today’s youth and it is wishful thinking that their attitude could be replicated by all.  But if learning a musical instrument can bring out the best in them, then there must be a strong case for introducing music studies into all schools throughout the land.  And if this is only partially successful, the investment will pay off by the reduction in crime and its cost to society,

Congratulations then to Laura Wilson, Christine Hayman, Fatimah Farag, Katie Martin, Richard Moore, Rebecca Catterall, Sarah McLellan and George Salmon.  All were worthy winners on the night.  My only regret was that from these eight excellent finalists there could be only one outright winner of this major award.  Well done all of you. (Photo Kentphoto News)

HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE about the woman who is suing a householder because she caught a finger in his letterbox when delivering junk mail?  No – it’s not a joke, at least not to the householder who stands to have to pay her substantial compensation.  He rightly states she came onto his property uninvited, to deliver a leaflet he did not want.  

I like the idea of letterboxes that bite back, if it discourages those volunteers employed by the local ‘take-away’ to stuff my postbox full of unwanted leaflets depicting pizzas in full colour on glossy paper.  If it wasn’t for harming our friendly postman, I would advocate exploding letterboxes, or those that fire rockets as soon as they are pushed open.  Especially against emissaries from the Bamboo Garden, The Laughing Buddha and Pizza Parlour.

ONE DULL AND MISERABLE afternoon in February, two newspapers arrived together.  One – The Bexley Times displayed the large bold headline “Gang Warfare on Murder Estate”.  The other – The Londoner, displayed an even larger and bolder headline “Crime Hits 9 Year Low”.  Naturally this statement is backed by the usual set of suspect statistics issued by the Metropolitan Police.  Who do YOU believe?  More to the point, what do the residents on the Murder Estate think, as police search for yet another killer and whose lives are constantly blighted by gangs in and around Woolwich.  And what do the people living in all those other London boroughs think – where stabbings and shootings take place with monotonous regularity?

I believe it was Mark Twain who said there are statistics and there are damn lies!  Take your choice.  My own belief is that The Londoner, which is the official mouthpiece of the mayor, is no more than a propaganda sheet that even Goebels would have admired.  If you tell the people enough times how safe the London streets are, they might just begin to believe it.  But I doubt the people will swallow this, when they witness with their own eyes what is actually going on in and around their streets and shopping centres.

Try this statement Mister Mayor:  You can fool some of the people all of the time and you can fool all of the people some of the time.  BUT YOU DON’T FOOL ME!

SO POOR ‘QUEEN’ CAMILLA experienced a rough time whilst sailing in the West Indies with Prince Charles on a luxury yacht.  Ever sympathetic, her husband suggested that a brisk walk along the path of an active unstable volcano would soon make her feel better.  Do I detect another conspiracy theory in the making?