THAT’S IT FOR ANOTHER YEAR. We know that Christmas is well and truly over, now that Tesco’s has stocked up with Easter Eggs. Gone and forgotten are the last remnants of turkey and stuffing, or nut cutlets if you are vegetarian. The artificial tree, coloured lights and tinsel have been banished once again to the attic and the house returned to normal, after a thorough clean and the furniture rearranged now that the visitors have gone.
Parents will need to find another threat for naughty children, now that “Father Christmas won’t come” no longer applies. Serious resolutions made on the first day of the New Year, under the influence of strong drink, have soon been forgotten – particularly those pertaining to diet and exercise. Wishing everyone a routine “Happy New Year” has a special significance this time as many will be facing a bleak financial future, unless of course they are bankers, politicians and town hall officials. The rest of us will struggle on in the hope that it will all come right in the end. May I therefore wish readers a Fair and Just New Year and above all, make sure you retain a sense of humour, if at all possible. It definitely helps!
SINCE WRITING MY LAST COLUMN, I have joined the ranks of the criminal fraternity. No – I haven’t bashed an old woman over the head and taken her pension money; I wasn’t drunk and disorderly outside the Kings Head; I haven’t been caught spraying graffiti on the wall of the bus garage and I didn’t assault a police officer in the course of his duty. But I WAS driving my car at just 8mph over the speed limit for a very short distance on a main road out of Bexleyheath.
After 55 years of blemish-free motoring I was photographed by a newly-installed camera just yards from my home. The punishment for this heinous crime is an automatic £60 fine and three penalty points on the licence, which usually also results in a higher insurance premium. However, the police have kindly offered me the option of attending a Speed Awareness Course for a fee of a mere £95 (which I believe includes tea and biscuits) and no penalty points. Such a bargain!
Having been an active campaigner for road safety in the borough and one time spokesman for the roads and transport consultative committee, I naturally feel aggrieved at being hoisted by my own petard. I find it difficult to imagine those running this course will have more experience than myself, but being only one of 280,000 drivers prosecuted for the same offence last year, (bringing in more than £100 million), I suppose I shouldn’t have a persecution complex. I do however object to the moral blackmail used by the police in issuing the Penalty Notice. It contains a veiled threat that if you elect to have your case heard in a magistrates court, you could possibly receive a larger fine and double penalty points on your licence. All cleverly designed to dissuade errant victims from presenting any kind of defence under their citizens rights, written into the Magna Charta.
Still, it could have been so much worse. Perhaps I should feel relief that I wasn’t surrounded by a posse of trigger-happy armed cops in baseball caps, and shot on the spot! As yet, I’ve not been hauled in for fingerprinting, a mug shot and DNA sample, but this could be only a matter of time? I will keep you informed.
THE PRIME MINISTER in his New Year message to the nation, suggests we should face the present economic crisis with the same spirit people adopted during World War Two. What utter nonsense! May I inform him that during that period, Britain lived constantly in fear of air attack and possible invasion and many lost their lives on the home front, as well as on the battlefields of Europe and the Far East.
That war was not brought about by greedy bankers and incompetent politicians, but by a foreign power intent on conquering Europe and beyond. Fortunately our then leader inspired us to victory at all costs, on land, at sea and in the air. How dare Gordon Brown have the temerity to even imagine that he and his government cronies can have the same influence on his demoralised people as Winston Churchill, who had “nothing to offer but his own blood, sweat and tears.”
In his messianic arrogance, our PM conveniently overlooks his own part in our downfall, blaming it on world-wide events beyond his government’s control. He doesn’t acknowledge depleting the nation’s wealth by selling off vast gold reserves when the market price was at its lowest, or raiding the pension funds, depriving them of millions of pounds in value. Neither does he admit that he failed to control the greed and incompetence of the financial institutions that have brought us to the brink of bankruptcy. Even the Queen, who never publicly comments on such matters, asked “how could this happen without anyone seeing it coming?”
Yes Mr. Brown – how indeed? Don’t expect the British people to rally round to support you with the same bulldog spirit it gave to Winston Churchill against Hitler. You haven’t earned it and you don’t deserve it. All they have to thank you for is saddling them with a huge debt that will take future generations many years to pay off. Thanks a lot!
N.B. I wonder if he is planning to emulate Churchill even further? Winston famously stated that “history would be kind to him, because he intended to write it!”
AMIABLE CHEEKY CHAPPY Christopher Biggins, tells of the time he and his ‘husband’ had a break-in at their home, no fewer than four bicycling bobbies speedily arrived on the scene and even took tea with the celebrity couple. I’ve long suspected that the police give priority to those who are ‘newsworthy’ and hard luck on those they’ve never heard of. (Unless of course you are a motorist travelling 8mph above the speed limit!).
EACH YEAR I eagerly await the New Year Honours List, just in case . . .? And each year I am disappointed to be overlooked once again, so I turn my attention to those who have won a prize. Without fail, I find myself criticising winners, especially when it’s a wild-living, drug-taking, anti-social pop star. Thankfully the authorities have ignored this breed of celebrity on this occasion. Yet I remain equally incredulous that the top honour of a knighthood has this year been bestowed upon a bloke on a bike!
WITH THE ESCALATING TENSION between Israel and the Palestinian people living along the Gaza Strip, now is the chance for the Special Middle-East Peace Envoy Tony Blair to restore some of the personal credibility he lost in waging the phoney war against Iraq.
WHEN THAT IRAQI JOURNALIST hurled his footwear towards George Bush during a press conference, the ‘target’ took it in good part. He retained his trademark grin, no doubt relieved that these size tens didn’t contain explosive devices. Presumably the newspaper man was testing out the new democracy that we in the west have inflicted on his country. He must have been shocked then at being jumped on by three burly secret service goons, wrestled to the floor, beaten senseless and carted off, never to be seen again. Some democracy what?
Mind you, it was either very brave, or very stupid, for Bush to show his face in Iraq after his deliberate bombing of Baghdad killed and maimed so many innocent men, women and children. Or perhaps this was a true sign of the arrogance of the man who encouraged our own grinning Prime Minister Blair to join him in the killing spree that will be judged as the most shameful period in British history. We have paid a huge price in the sacrifice of service personnel and are now reaping the result in economic terms. I leave you to decide if it has all been worth it? But I do have to concede that it has certainly paid off handsomely for the Blair’s.
IT’S NOT ALL BAD NEWS on the high street. I see that mobile telephone sales are predicted to be 15 per cent down this year. Does this mean the ‘mobile morons’ are getting bored with this anti-social craze that drives me mad?
POSTIES GO SLOW! They are complaining that bosses expect them to walk their rounds at a brisk 4 mph to maintain delivery targets. The Royal Mail insists that it sets a benchmark of 2 mph, but apparently the posties say this is not realistic for the volume of letters to be delivered within the target time allowed. Unsurprisingly, computers are behind this latest time and motion study exercise – and we all know how unreliable these can be! Perhaps the computers can calculate different walking speeds for those delivering First and Second-Class mail!
AS MUCH AS I HAVE great sympathy for all those affected by the collapse of the car industry, I fail to see any practical or economic sense in throwing it a lifeline of billions of taxpayers pounds and dollars. We see aerial views of field upon field of new vehicles that no-one wants or can afford, so just what is the sense in continuing to churn out even more from the production lines?
If the government is serious about supporting this once important industry, then it should approach the problem in a different way. It must ‘encourage’ sales by halting its continued harassment of the motorist and restore the pleasure in driving. No matter which way you turn, you are penalised and quite often criminalized as soon as you acquire that gleaming model you have set your heart on and lived frugally to pay for by sacrificing other things.
First, the VAT that is paid on new vehicles to the government should be temporarily abolished until the situation improves. Then there is the increasingly prohibitive Road Tax levied on many family-sized cars, as well as for larger vehicles; the high cost of fuel at the pumps, most of which is Duty and VAT; the high cost of insurance, partly due to the government’s failure to take effective action against illegal drivers who have no tax and insurance on their vehicles; the automatic system of hefty fines for minor infringements, whilst those driving dangerously escape detection; draconian parking restrictions and penalties; the Congestion Charge and the retention of the Tolls at the Dartford Crossing, long after the original construction costs have been recovered and we were promised they would be removed.
All of these things combine to deter public support of the motor industry and they are all within the power of the government to address. This is where it should be concentrating its efforts if it wants to see a thriving automotive industry again. A large injection of taxpayers money paid directly to the manufacturers will only add more vehicles to those already rusting in acres of fields around the countryside and is only putting off the day of reckoning – presumably until a new government takes over the problem.
SATURDAY DECEMBER 13th was dominated by the climax of a TV dancing competition and a talent show on rival channels, with it seems the whole nation holding its breath in anticipation of the results. I just cannot believe how brainwashed we have become over such mundane events, when all around is collapsing in financial chaos and impending high unemployment. Perhaps psychologists will explain this by suggesting that in times of stress, people shut out the reality of life by concentrating on trivial things. All I know is that it’s time some people got themselves a life away from their TV sets.
Whilst on the subject, BBC TV held its annual Sports Personality of the Year Award. I think the word ‘Personality’ should be dropped from the title in future.
DID YOU NOTICE as I did, that Bexley Council’s Balance Sheet showed borrowing at £76 million and investments at £77 million. Assuming that the interest paid on the loans must be a lot higher than that earned on investments, surely this cannot be a good deal for local council tax payers!
ERITH has a high ethnic population and these must be more confused than I was to read the sign at the entrance of their Health Centre.
DO NOT USE LIFT IN CASE OF FIRE
Our local Health Trust appears to have a talent for producing comic notices. I recall the one in Queen Mary’s Hospital entrance hall: THIEVES OPERATE IN THIS HOSPITAL - Whoever is employed to come up with these gems is missing their true vocation. They should be writing comedy scripts for Harry Hill.